warmth for the cold.

{...a letter to a friend}

dear Ana,

It will be cold today. Your city will be filled with people, thousands of people. Some I agree with, others I do not. Among those who share my opinion, are some whose persuasion tactics are poorly thought out, painfully executed, ultimately lacking compassion. People who claim to speak for life but would kill an abortionist, if given the chance. People whose hypocrisy is hurtful to those who are truly there for love. But as many times as you and I have skirted this issue, before I say anything else, I want to tell you that I love you, I admire you, and I value you more than you will ever know.

I know why you're so frequently frustrated with people who share my opinion. And to be honest, I share your frustrations, especially when those preaching life and proclaiming love are acting loveless when they have such condescending, judgmental, and merciless approaches, and if you've ever felt shunned by one of them, from the bottom of my imperfect heart, I am sorry. Please know, people like that, falsely labeled, frustrate me, too. Because of their ignorant ways, people like me get labeled as, 'Jesus freaks,' and all of a sudden, everyone, everywhere, knows who I am, what I believe, and what I'm all about. Just another crazy girl proclaiming the name of Jesus, while attempting to make you feel awful because you could care less. Well, you know first-hand, we're not all like the hypocrites. We're not all false prophets.

But because I love you and care for you as a sister, one of my best friends, I think you should know how much I wish I could be in your city today. To have coffee, to have a late night dance party, chocolate in fifty forms...hello, awesomeness! But all of that would just be sprinkles on that late night fudge brownie, because my desire to be in that historic city of yours, specifically today, would be to march. To march for women. To march for you. To march for me. To march for babies. To march for love. To march for life.

I get it. Women want a choice. We want our freedom. We want respect. I know many of us get in rough situations and extremely tough calls need to be made. I know we all want to make decisions involving our body and we want everyone else to get out of the way. But, unfortunately, it's just not that simple. One thing that is increasingly frustrating is whenever someone says, "ending a pregnancy," or "removal of pregnancy." From my two times being pregnant, these sayings catch me completely off guard. Because if we are being forth-right and honest with each other, then we can call a spade, a spade...a pregnancy means a woman is with child, when we remove her pregnancy, we remove her child. And it's not like we place it in a magic sphere and hold onto it until a later time in life, when we are 100% ready to be a mother, wouldn't that be ideal...but instead, we must remove the pregnancy, end the pregnancy, and the woman is no longer with child and the child is no longer in the picture.

I've also never fully understood the saying, "my body, my choice," because remember all those nights you'd call me late after work, to check in on my pregnant self and see how I was feeling? Remember me venting about how sore my ribs were and how uncomfortable I  was because my sweet girl was karate chopping the stuff out of my insides? Well, every single time she kicked, or punched, rolled, or turned, it was her individual movements. When either one of my babies kicked, in utero, my leg didn't also kick...not only did that never happen, but it would also be incredibly weird. When they punched, my arm didn't randomly punch out. And when they rolled or turned, I didn't stop, drop, and roll like my living room was on fire. My movements were not in-line with theirs because their movements were motions of their own. Their movements were theirs, ones completely separate from mine. So I guess if we, as women, want to say, "it's still my body, and I choose not to want a child dwelling within me," then fine...but let's be real, and let's not skirt the fact that it's worth it to remove a child, remove a pregnancy, because the pregnancy, the child is unwanted, it was a mistake, it wasn't healthy enough, we weren't ready, for the sake of convenience. And we both know, too well, there are plenty of what seem like valid, inconveniences...We're too young. We're too poor. We're cheating and we can't live with proof of infidelity. We're not ready. We don't want to be fat or lose our bodies. We can't give up our career. We don't need someone else to take care of when we can barely take care of ourselves. We can't handle anymore kids. We don't want a reminder of rape and abuse. We can't have a handicapped, diseased child. We don't want them to live a life like that. And these are real predicaments, we women, find ourselves in. Because as we tell each other, time and time again, life can be tough, life can be messy. And we both know just how hard life can be. But when it comes to people who depend on us, family who can be most difficult to live with,  we don't go around eliminating them because they're an inconvenience. But we do go around, emptying uteruses, removing pregnancies, ending the sustenance of a growing baby because life would be easier if they just never existed. And yes, I said growing baby, and I know some people love that terminology because well, they can say..."it's not a baby yet"..."the growing baby needs me and if I don't want to be needed and it can't live on its own, then it's my choice what to do with it...especially since it's still growing, especially since it's not a baby yet." We don't want to be technical with everything else in life, we want to have vague lines, but with this, just this, we want to be technical and define where life begins. And there's plenty of scientific research to prove all genetic characteristics are present at fertilization, but I'm just going to be really simple here...at 8 months pregnant, I was 'pregnant', with child. At 5 months pregnant, I was 'pregnant', with child. At 2 months pregnant, I was still 'pregnant', with child. And even at 4 weeks pregnant, I was still considered 'pregnant', with child, not less of a child, still 2 weeks pregnant, still with child.

When a murderer kills a pregnant woman who wanted her child in the womb, its double murder. We recognize life in the womb when it's wanted. When it's not wanted, a child in the womb becomes a blob of cells. Well, last time I checked, I was just a blob of cells, too. And I'm pretty sure we've all felt unwanted at some point, at some time, and last time I checked on that terrible sentiment, it was the worst feeling I've ever experienced.

The problem is we've become so cold. We don't care to love, or to listen, or to be compassionate with one another. We both know there are women who want their sexual freedom, to sleep with whomever, whenever, and deal with the consequences, come what may, and I get it...but is it so wrong to want more for them? To want more for women in this world? I wish less women found their worth in sexuality and more worth in love, real love, love that waits, and lasts, and is faithful, because as long as we still find our worth in our sexuality, a child, a pregnancy, will always be an inconvenience, one needed to be removed so we can bounce back to our freedom.

It almost makes sense, the March for Life happening right in the middle of winter. On a cold day, in a cold month, at a cold time. Too many of us are cold. We're frigid and frozen, stiff, unmovable, cold with no potential for warmth, with no desire for change. We're cold and we like it that way. No one can move us, no one can melt us, and by never warming up, no one can ever melt us down. We're strong, we're solid, we're as cold as ice. Until we let our guard down and give someone a chance and we let someone in. Until we open our hearts and call on compassion, to listen to ourselves and each other, gently. Until we realize true strength and power come not from a quick response but from gracefulness and mercy. We live in a cold country, filled with people afraid to warm up, and they'll hate me for thinking of them as afraid, for fear cannot touch them, they just want the freedom to choose. And choose as we may, but may we not discount what's at stake. May we not deceive ourselves into thinking it's not as bad as it seems, because it makes us feel better. Let's take responsibility for our actions and consider other options that are virtuous and courageous ---do these words, "virtuous," "courageous," not mean anything, anymore? Is morality that dead? If so, we're colder than I thought. We want to be women of strength, raw, true power...then let's take the high road, let's be generous, sincere, selfless, beautiful, and let's draw our strength from God when we're too weak to stand on our own, knowing He's been there all along, waiting like a gentleman for us to accept His call.

Ana, you took a chance on me a long, long time ago and our friendship, our sisterhood, is one of my most cherished relationships. This issue, this debate, this state of our country saddens me so, and as someone whom I share so much with, I only hope to let you into my heart a little more deeply. May you feel the warmth of my love and friendship on this cold day, and always.

love,

Victoria

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