undeserving.

Two days will mark a month since our baby boy, Jude, has come out to play. So for those of you who were wondering....he's here. And I think big sister has finally figured out, not only is he here, but he's here to stay. ;)

When I think back on this past month, a little part of me is upset I haven't written sooner, but a bigger part of me is extremely glad that I just took it easy and laid low for a while, simply enjoying time together as a family, just the four of us. There's been lots of adjustments and even more time juggling. There's been numerous times when we've figured things out while bravely chugging along. And there's been even more moments, thanks to the Mr., when we just drop everything and we hug it out...yes, we hug it out...never underestimate the power of a hug on an exhausted soul. Never.

When I think back on this past month, I see the differences in myself as a second-time mom. I'll never forget the moment my parents went home after visiting us in Tallahassee when Marabelle was born...we felt so overwhelmed and unqualified - who signed the permission slip certifying we were capable of caring for this precious new baby on our own? And were they out of their mind??? As a new mom, the most important thing to learn is the value of trusting yourself and your own natural, God-given, motherly instincts, but that's not always easy to do when you're anxious, or tired, or too busy worrying about almost everything. But one night, while daddy was working and big sister was sleeping, baby boy and I had a moment to ourselves and I realized how precious the chaos is and just as we got through and survived Marabelle's first few months, we will make it through these long sleepless nights, too, and we will begin to trust ourselves even more as we learn how to tread in these new "family of four" waters. 

But one of the best things about thinking back on this past month, is seeing a young mom looking back at her two babies sitting in their car seats, and thinking to herself, how lucky she is, how blessed she is, and how undeserving she is. Yes, for those of you who were wondering, there have been moments in the past month when I've thought to myself, how am I going to do this when Joseph goes back to work? Am I seriously going to survive? But as I fight the urge to pull out all of my hair when tough moments hit hard, that heavy, emotional, earthshaking feeling sets in and I realize just how undeserving I am because as hard as the hardest days are, this is what we're made for and I wouldn't trade the chaos for anything in the world.

Nothing I've done is deserving of the most loving husband and the gift of caring for these two innocent souls. Nothing. And it's incredibly humbling realizing just how undeserving we are and how even the most challenging times are some of the most beautiful. Thank you, God, for our family and these two beautiful babies...thank you, thank you, Lord.

♡These last two are from Jude's newborn pictures, taken by our good friend, Jackie.

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